Here's the fun thing. Warden Bong and I go back a ways, a long ways. It may come as a surprise for some that this was, in fact, the first time I was a guest in her prison facility.
Warden Bong was a Mamarilian. Mamarilian's are a race that possess fifteen breasts and their undergarments are coveted throughout the known and unknown universes.The footfalls that were approaching my cell belonged to Bong and she wanted her bra back. I'm was not giving it back.
Mamarilian Bras are quite astonishing in so far as they possess a kind of sentience and adjust themselves to suite their wearer, whether it be the one breasted Tyglots of Edisped or, two breasted types like myself to the very Mamarilian's that created them. They are also exceptionally beautiful in their craftsmanship. The bra that formerly belonged to Bong is adorned with tiny intricate knots, bows and buttons. It is the only one of it's kind and I was not giving it back.
"I heard a sound, one so familiar, one so missed over all these years." Bong's voice reverberated down the hall. "I heard a sound and remembered all of the fun we used to have at the beach in Duningals. You and I used to glide in the water together until we exhausted ourselves. We used to lay on the beach and look at the stars, and you would tell me about all of the places you'd been and you oh so gently licked by breasts."
So, yes, the Warden and I were at one point in time, quite intimate with one another.
"And then," Her voice was closer now, "And then, you left and took my favorite bra with you."
She'd reached the cell door, standing tall in the dim lighting. She was as beautiful now as she was then. Pale white hair, bright orange eyes and three rows of five perfect pert C-cups.
I was born with some sense of shame, and then, seeing her again, I felt the tiniest glimmer of said shame. I shrugged, "It was something to remember you by?" It was a really tiny tiny glimmer.
She sighed, "I always knew you would leave." Then she opened the cell door and stood aside. "Come with me."
The weirdness of the day was continuing to build. I knew the most important thing any being should know about Mamarilians. They are a little passionate, okay, a lot passionate, basically what I'm saying is that if you ever plan on seeing a Mamarilian again, you should not irritate them, even a little bit. They react...strongly. Because I knew this, Bong's calm demeanor was...fucking terrifying.
Because of this, I obediently followed Bong down the hall and did my best to avoid stepping the random slithering Querlicks that were cleaning the floor. I had landed on an entire colony of them when Ned so graciously dumped me in the cell. The upside was that my shirt was no longer ruined. The downside was that I would never be eating Calamari again, ever. Having thousands of little cleanliness obsessed squid violate your clothing and your body diminished my taste for the dish.
The silence between us became oppressive as we walked down the hall. I decided to break it in the most graceless way possible. "So, how have you been."
Bong stopped walking and shot me a glare so caustic that I developed burns. Okay not really, but that's certainly what it felt like. She was pissed and I was probably going to die. And I hoped very strongly at that moment that where ever he was, Ned was getting violated by heavily armed three headed wombats.
"I'm sorry isn't going to help here, is it?" I asked.
Her shoulders slumped and she sighed again, "If you meant it, yes."
The glimmer of shame was building. They are passionate, yes. But they are also gentle, fun loving and compassionate. She had loved me. And I was, honestly sorry for hurting her. "I am...sorry."
"Enough to give me back my bra?" She asked.
I wouldn't go that far.
She shook her head and a brief smile skipped across her lips. "I'll make you a deal, Collector." She said as she opened the door to her office. My eyes, my face and then my whole damn body were drawn to an item on her desk.
"You recognize it?"
Of course I recognized it, I'd been wanting it since the great Timelord Charles Lutwidge Dodgson told me about it.
"The Mad Hatter's Hat." I said with no small amount of awe.
"He's escaped."
That was bad news for everyone in the known and unknown universes.
"So you help me capture him," Bong continued, "And I let you live and keep the bra."
That was a great deal! Unfortunately my TARDIS wasn't around and I doubted that he would come when I called.
None the less, a plan started to form in my mind. "Warden," I smiled, "you have yourself a deal."
Check out the blog that started it all http://madtimelord.blogspot.com/
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